


Never Turning Back (But Still Lingering)

by snowflight



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff? Kinda??, Light Angst, Post-Canon, This is pretty much what I think the best/happiest ending for ph is, and that makes me... sad, canon compliant ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowflight/pseuds/snowflight
Summary: A train station is where one story found its start, and a train station is where another one meets its end.Inspired by the official Purple Hyacinth wallpaperNever Turning Back.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair & Kieran White
Comments: 24
Kudos: 63





	Never Turning Back (But Still Lingering)

**Author's Note:**

> A nice soundtrack to listen to while reading if you'd like:  
>  **[In The Darkest Night I Will Be on My Own](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuNY2zXoe9o)** by [ Mustafa Avşaroğlu](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMGYopAdpZLeF299Bnk2zAw)  
> Loop the video!

The Leader is a corpse, crumpled in a pool of his own blood, by the time Lauren bursts into the room. She rushes forward and pictures herself seizing the man by the collar and ripping off his hood, _demanding_ to see the face of the one who put the world through so much suffering and so much terror.

But she can’t. Not now. 

She charges past the lifeless body and throws a frantic glance around the room. “Kieran?”

There’s so much blood. On the floor, the walls, the ceiling.

Far too much blood for one person.

_Am I too late?_

“Kieran?” she yells again, louder, shakier. It feels like her own voice is being drowned out by the silence surrounding her.

A bloody, black sword lies off to the side. Its owner is nowhere to be seen.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

“Are we there yet?”

“Sophia, you asked that five minutes ago.”

“But are we there yet?”

“We’re heading to Niloville, sweetie. It’s on the opposite side of the country from Ardhalis City.”

Lauren turns her gaze away from the blur of passing trees and fields and distant buildings and to the seat across from her. Sophia sits with her arms crossed and chin held high as she pouts at her father. 

“You said that this was a vacation, but why is it so boring? We sat here for thirty hours already.”

“It’s actually only been seven hours,” Isaac says. Apparently he has resigned himself to the duty of entertaining their daughter, and currently that means answering seven variations of the same question in a cycle that repeats every twenty minutes. Lauren will have to thank him for that later. 

“ _‘Only’_ seven?” Sophia says. “That’s still a lot.”

“I know, I know,” Isaac says with a sigh. “But this is the express train; it’s the fastest train available.”

Lauren leans to the side, reaching over Isaac to grab her bag. She rummages through its items, a smile twitching on her lips as Sophia mutters, “Well, I think they lied to us then. This is the slowest boringest train I’ve ever been on.”

“Well, if you’re really so bored,” Isaac mumbles, patting down his various pockets, “maybe you can—”

Lauren pulls out a book. “Here.” Its cover is worn out, but the words _The Secret Garden_ are still visible on the scratched surface. “You can read this for the time being. We should be arriving soon, anyway.”

Sophia’s eyes light up. “Thanks Mommy!” She grabs the book and kicks off her shoes. She settles on the seat, crossed-legged, before opening the pages with a contented smile.

Letting out a deep breath, Isaac slumps back into his seat. “Nice call bringing the book, honey.” He runs a hand through his dark hair. “You saved me.”

“I should be thanking you for taking one for the team for the past two hours.” Lauren gives him an apologetic smile. “I don’t know where she got the energy to talk for so long like that.”

“I don’t know either,” Isaac murmurs. “But I do know that she definitely got her persistence from you.” He lazily leans in to give her a light kiss on the cheek

She lets out a laugh and turns towards him to return the favour. “Well, then you know how to deal with it.”

“And I do.” He smiles, leaning back into his seat. “But it really is fortunate you managed to get enough vacation days for this trip. Our family could really use a break from our hectic lives once in a while.”

“Hey, not me!” Sophia looks up from her book, golden eyes sparking. “I played with Cecilia all day yesterday, and we didn’t have to take a single break.”

“Well then,” Lauren says, “maybe this means that one day you’ll surpass me.”

“Yes!” Sophia jumps upwards in her seat, nearly standing on it. “I’m going to be the boss of the police, and I’ll be the best officer in the entire world! Even better than you, Mommy.”

Isaac laughs. “No need to turn this into a competition, ladies.”

Sophia sticks her tongue out at him. “Daddy, you’re just saying that because Mommy beat you in an arm-wrestling match when you first met—”

“Hey, that is _not_ related—” 

Lauren turns her gaze back to the window, back to the endless stream of greens and browns and greys. The train rattles on, interrupted only by the voice of the speaker system.

_“This train will be arriving at Niloville in ten minutes.”_

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

_“The express train from Ardhalis City to Niloville will be arriving in ten minutes.”_

The dull voice of the announcement system sounds louder than usual today, its monotony somehow piercing amongst the murmurs and footsteps of the surrounding citizens.

“So you’re never returning.” Lauren’s words come out more as a statement than a question.

Kieran blinks at her, then lets out a small laugh, a light and soft chuckle that lacks its usual snarky edge. She’s been hearing this sound from him more frequently in the past few days. “Well, I don’t see how I can return, considering the fact that I’m supposedly dead.”

“Yeah... I guess that’s just how things turned out.” She sighs, and she thinks she can see her breath form a faint cloud in the air. “ _I_ thought you’d died, too.”

He shrugs. “And it’s for the best that it stays that way, especially after everything I’ve done.” There’s a pause as his gaze flickers away from hers. “I have no place in a city that I’ve terrorized for so long.”

For a heartbeat, Lauren sees Kieran with dark storming eyes and a face frozen over with painful, calculated iciness. And then she sees herself, rain-drenched but blistering with fury, and hears, _“There’s not a shred of remorse in you. You’re nothing but a monster.”_

_I used to think everything was so simple._

She nods, and the two of them stand in a silence that’s both painful and comforting at the same time. When she finally speaks again, her voice comes out softer than she expects. “So what’s your plan now?”

Kieran looks back at her. “Get a new job somewhere, I suppose.” His lips twist into a small crooked smile. “Preferably one that doesn’t involve murder. I never really enjoyed that.”

It’s a joke, she _knows_ he’s joking, but his words sting in a way she doesn’t expect them to.

Maybe he notices how she stiffens at what he said, because then he adds, “But more importantly, the plan after that is to find an apartment.” When she blinks away her thoughts and focuses on his gaze again, he continues. “A nice one. After all, if I’m going to be living in Niloville for the foreseeable future, I need to have a pleasant, cozy little home, don’t I?”

Lauren finds herself smiling despite the ache inside her. “Well, you can always just find another cave to crawl in.”

He lets out a huff of laughter. “Hey, caves are way too difficult to heat up during the winter. I thought I told you that already.”

“I heard that Niloville has mild winters.”

“Well, I _also_ want somewhere where I can draw. The moisture in a cave would be too much for my poor sketchbook.” Kieran pauses and gazes up the sky. She thinks she can see a glimmer in his eyes. “An apartment with wide windows for natural light would be nice. And I’m thinking... Well, if things go well, of course.” He shrugs with a small chuckle. “But I’m thinking that maybe I can eventually get myself a personal art studio. I’ve always wanted...” 

And then his expression wavers.

 _What’s wrong?_ Lauren wants to ask, but when he lowers his gaze and takes in a slow, soft inhale, she realizes she already knows the answer.

“This is still hard,” he finally says. “Accepting all of this, I mean. I was— expecting to die. _Hoping_ to die, to be honest. But now I’m here, talking about my plans, thinking about my future... _Living.”_ He lets out a deep breath. “It feels wrong.”

“I know.” The words feel like they’re lodged in her throat, like she needs to choke them out.

“But it’s not like I wanted something else. I don’t know if I want to be dead. I’m not _sure_ what I want. But...” He sighs. “I just don’t know if I’ll be able to make peace with the way things are—the way things turned out.”

The shrill whistle of an engine pierces the sky.

As the rumble of the train and the chatter of the crowd fill the air, Lauren whispers, “Me neither.”

_“The express train to Niloville is arriving. Please stand clear of the tracks.”_

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

_“Arriving at Niloville. Please stand clear of the doors.”_

“Finally!” Sophia practically throws her book at Lauren before jumping out of her seat.

“Hey, young lady, don’t throw things,” Isaac chides, but even he’s eagerly packing up his belongings.

Lauren puts away the book, and the three of them follow the crowd that surges towards the exit of the train. The moment they step onto the station platform, Sophia lets out a triumphant cheer and runs forward, nearly vanishing into the crowd.

“Sophia, don’t run off like that!” Isaac cries, rushing after her.

Lauren lets out a chuckle, stepping to the side to make way for the people waiting to board the train. 

Needing to travel anywhere by train is a rare occurrence for Lauren, and as a result, she barely ever has the need to visit train stations. But as she waits for her family to return, she finds her surroundings familiar. 

Everything reminds her of a scene from a long time ago. The groans of the train, the busy flurry of footsteps around her, even the colours that flood past her as people walk by and board the train. Muted reds, bieges, greys, browns, and from the corner of her vision, she catches a flash of white.

White _and black and—_

She whirls around and locks eyes with blue.

Deep blue that has remained unchanged even after so many years.

Deep blue eyes that widen the same time she takes in a sharp breath and opens her mouth.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

The train screeches to a halt in front of them.

“Oh, I forgot to say this earlier, but congratulations on your promotion,” Kieran says as the doors swing open and passengers begin exiting. “You’ll do great as a detective.”

“Thanks,” Lauren says. The word feels numb in her mouth.

“Just make sure not to ally yourself with any heinous criminals again. The last time that happened, **you only remained undetected because of how smart and skilled your partner was.”**

A hundred different retorts flood into her mind, but as the last passenger steps out of the now-empty train, they all evaporate on her tongue.

“And I guess this is it.” Kieran turns to her with a smile. The sound of the surrounding people beginning to board the train is almost deafening. “I’ve had quite the memorable adventure with you, darling.”

And then before she can think, she rushes forward, wrapping her arms around him, burying her face into his, enveloping herself in his warmth.

He stiffens for a moment, but then she feels his body tremble with a breathy laugh as he presses back into her.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

She doesn’t know what she wants to say, only that she needs to say _something._

And then she realizes that the feeling of his name in her mouth is too familiar, sliding off of her tongue too smoothly for something that she hasn’t uttered in so long.

“Kieran—”

The doors swing shut and the train lets out a whistle, wheels beginning to turn with quickening chugs.

It’s been years, but he hasn't changed. 

Lauren doesn’t know what kind of expression she’s making as her gaze follows his face.

He smiles at her through the window as the departing train carries him away. It’s achingly familiar and summons a thousand emotions, but it also carries a hint of something new in it.

She’s not too sure what it is.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

The feeling of his warmth still lingers on her lips even after the train has left.

Something inside her vaguely recalls that the next train won’t be coming until two hours later. The crowd has dispersed, and the noise around her has diminished into a quiet hum.

She stares at the barren tracks, but she still sees him. The emptiness in her chest is almost numbing.

“Me neither,” she says again in a broken whisper.

**~.~.~.~.~.~**

The sight of his smile still lingers in her mind even after the train has left.

Lauren turns around and scans the crowd. She finally locates Isaac standing by the far wall, firmly holding Sophia’s hand and waving at Lauren. 

A smile forms on her lips, and she notices the way something touches it as she makes it back to her family.

When she laughs at Isaac and gives Sophia a hug, the thought finally hits her.

_Peace._

That’s what it was.

**_Never Turning Back_ ** _by Sophism:_

**Author's Note:**

> Big shoutout to [Yam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamacoco) and Basil for beta-reading and the feedback! And another shoutout to my one friend who suggested _Tim_ when I asked for a random European male name for Lauren’s husband. Imagine if I went with that LMAO ~~I guess Laursake is more real than we thought.~~
> 
> So anyways, this wallpaper sCREAMED _POST-CANON_ at me, and even more so from the fact that Lauren and Kieran, both in civilian clothes, were facing away from each other, and the title of it was literally _Never Turning Back._ SUPER bittersweet vibes man ;-;
> 
> So ever since then, I couldn't stop thinking about an ending like this--where things turn out well, but because of circumstances and maybe their own personal feelings, Lauren and Kieran end up going their separate ways. And it's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY sad for shippers, and probably both of them at first, but eventually, they're able to just make the most out of it and still be happy. And that's kind of what I wanted to convey with this fic? It's bittersweet, but I wanted to show that both of them were able to move on and make peace with how everything turned out. :'))) Like, Lauren's not in an unhappy loveless marriage or anything and Kieran seemed to have been living just fine. And when they catch a glimpse of each other again after all these years, even though Lauren really did seem to love him back then, her longing for him now is less "omG i'M piNiNG, thiS MAN is the LovE OF MY LIFE" and more like _I just miss him/I'm glad to see him again_ , you know? because she was able to move on and find new love and just continue living aaaa ;o;
> 
> (omg I just realized it felt like Lauren was simping more than Kieran here... OOPS sorry I guess today is the day we follow Simp Lauren Agenda for once. Although, we were never in Kieran's POV so _maybe_ he was simping just as hard. Actually yeah let's go with that! Mutual simping <333)  
> (oh also, random, but the reason why I specifically had one line probably unnecessarily pointing out the fact that Isaac had dark hair is because my brain was like, "Let's make this man Lauren's type. What's Lauren's type? Kieran. Dark hair. Let's gO" and yeah that happened)  
> (OH ALSO even though I've written several fanfics, this is literally the first time I've ever written a kiss scene. Or even implied a kiss. At all. Ever. It was _very_ fun, and now I finally feel like I can cross it off of my theoretical fanfic author bucket list hehehe)
> 
> Anyways, this is pretty much how I envision a "happy" ending for PH, because I still don't believe in an ending where everything is fine and Lauki is actually able to get together and live happy lives together. And besides, Lauren and Kieran achieving their goal of bringing down the Phantom Scythe and restoring peace to both Ardhalis and themselves is what really matters in the end, isn't it?
> 
> I HOPE I'M WRONG THOUGH. I HOPE THAT I'M JUST BEING PESSIMISTIC. JSDFHUFHJSD PLEASE LET LAUKI BECOME CANON UGHGHFHJGJFDHJGDJFGJ.
> 
> Wow this author's note is getting long I'm sorry. One last thingggg, please let me know if you understood the repeated "Me neither" thing that Lauren does :''') I got mixed results in terms of if people fully got it or not, but I kinda really liked it so I decided to keep it in.  
> But really, any type of comment or feedback would also be greatly, greatly appreciated! <3 and if you made it this far into the author's note, props to you LOL  
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and let's pray that we can get an even happier ending than this ;-;


End file.
